If you care for someone with a mental illness, you know communication plays a vital role in supporting them — but you also likely know how difficult it can be to figure out the right things to say.
No matter how good our intentions are, we don’t always know what needs to be said, let alone the best way to say it.
Unfortunately, our intentions can be conveyed differently than we hope for, and this can create needless friction in relationships with our loved ones.
Thankfully, we aren’t alone in this. These are tough situations that many families face.
At a recent Conversations at The Royal event, a panel of experienced family caregivers and healthcare professionals shared their best communication strategies for improving relationships and motivating change.
Madeleine Bertrand has been volunteering in the mental health community for over 20 years. Throughout those years, she has gained critical insight into communicating more effectively and building better relationships with loved ones who suffer from mental illness through acceptance.
Madeline shared some practical advice for caregivers. In a nutshell: You cannot pour from an empty cup. To be a better caregiver, give care to yourself first.
Her key suggestions:
- Stay healthy
- Get help when you need it- not when it’s too late
- Attend family information & support groups
- Use clear, direct communication
- Actively & empathetically listen to your loved one
Lisa Murata, a nurse at The Royal, shared information about motivational interviewing, an extremely valuable tool for family caregivers looking to help their loved one recognize the need for clinical help and follow through with treatment plans.
"Doing motivational interviewing with someone is like entering their home. One should enter with respect, interest, kindness, affirm what is good, and refrain from providing unsolicited advice about how to arrange the furniture."
Motivational interviewing is a way to bring out another person’s motivations to change. It’s empathetic and hopeful, begging us to listen to our loved one’s motivations and goals rather than providing unsolicited advice and our own ideas of what healing should look like.
Murata shared some powerful motivational interviewing questions that any caregiver can use:
- Why would you want to make this change?
- How might you go about making this change in order to succeed?
- What are the three best reasons for you to do it?
- How important is it for you to make this change, and why?
- So what do you think you’ll do?
Questions like these help people feel respected, listened to, and empowered to make positive change.
Elyse Schipper of Parents’ Lifeline of Eastern Ontario closed the evening off by offering ways to support our loved ones in getting help when they are ready, including options when the most ideal resources are not available.
- Plan ahead. Caregiving is a typically a long-term commitment, and planning in advance can save you a lot of time and significantly minimize stress for both you and the loved one you’re supporting. Identify and research potential treatment options and prepare for intake in advance by gathering any necessary documents.
- Advocate for ongoing conversations about your loved one’s privacy. Ask to be included in your loved one’s treatment team and for relevant information to be shared with you.
- Don’t make assumptions based off of your own experience. Ask your loved one what support would ideally look like for them, and check in about it regularly. Their answer may change throughout their treatment.
- Get support for yourself. Set a strong example for your loved one by modelling healthy behaviours. This may mean attending support groups, seeing a counsellor, or speaking informally with peers.
Each panelist agreed that empathy and the ability to listen are fundamental in communicating with loved ones, especially when it comes to motivating positive change.
Watch the full Conversations: