Reclaiming Joy: Michelle's Breakthrough with rTMS

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The Chapin household was like many big family homes–lively, loud, and full of personality. There was always something going on, with plenty of laughter and chaos. Michelle, the youngest of four kids, was a force to behold. She had quite the spirited character from a very young age, making every interaction with her colourful and unique. As the years progressed, Michelle started to experience a harsher side of childhood, experiencing bullying in elementary school. “That was when I noticed a difference in how I felt about myself—I tried to use that feeling to strengthen my resolve but it only worked to a certain degree,” she says.

Content warning: This story contains details of a suicide attempt. Mental health support is available if you need it. Call or text 9-8-8 for 24/7 support.

The Weight of Depression

By the time she was fifteen years old, Michelle started to feel the decline in her mental health. After experiencing significant loss in her family, she sought out help and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

Over the years, she had constant ups and downs, trying many different medications to manage her symptoms. While some treatments seemed to work, their effectiveness was always temporary, and Michelle found herself among the 50% of people with depression who don’t respond to conventional treatments. “It was a lot of trial and error. I kept thinking ‘it shouldn’t be this difficult.’ I was under the impression that if I went on medication, then I was supposed to feel better,” Michelle reflects. Some days, she felt like herself, while others, the depression came back stronger than before. Constantly feeling stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment, Michelle was exhausted and disheartened.

Despite the weight of her mental illness, Michelle was a dedicated small business owner and was determined to see it grow and succeed. She shared her mental and physical health journey with her social media following, hoping to inspire others who might be facing similar battles: “I think we built such a supportive and strong online community–we all have struggled in different ways, and we connected because of it. Talking about our hard times helped me feel seen and not so lonely,” she says. Michelle also remained open about the hardships of entrepreneurship, and how it impacted her mental illness.

“I felt broken. Every day, I’d wake up and think ‘I just have to get through today.’”

Darkest Moment, Desperate Hope

Although her candle-making business was doing well, and she had built a strong community around her, Michelle struggled. On Christmas Eve 2023, at just 29 years old, Michelle faced a mental state unlike anything she had ever experienced before. The weight of her depression became unbearable–she had endured many dark moments before, but this time was different. It was overwhelming, suffocating and all consuming—a way forward seemed unfathomable. Unable to cope, Michelle attempted suicide.

Desperate to help her daughter in any way she could, Michelle’s mother wracked her brain for answers—digging through memories of everything she had read or heard about mental health treatments. That is when she remembered coming across a research study at The Royal. It featured an innovative therapy called repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS), made possible by the donor-funded David and Susan Rose Neuromodulation Research Centre. This non-invasive treatment uses magnetic pulses to stimulate specific areas of the brain involved in mood regulation, offering hope to people whose depression has not improved with traditional treatments like medication or talk therapy. [Read more about rTMS at The Royal]

Skepticism Turned to Belief

Michelle was skeptical at first. “Magnets? How could that possibly work?” she wondered. After years of trying different medications, adjusting dosages, and dealing with side effects, Michelle was wary of new treatments. It seemed like nothing else was truly working, so she decided to give rTMS a chance.

“Coming to The Royal, I was so excited. It felt like, for the first time, we’re doing something new. After all the trial and error, and approaching my mental illness in the same way, it finally felt that this was the solution I needed.”

The sessions were simple and painless—much to Michelle’s relief. She admits that it was intimidating to participate in an unfamiliar treatment that so few know about, but she was quickly put at ease by her care team. Within three weeks of starting rTMS, something remarkable happened—she felt happiness, a feeling she had not truly experienced in years. It was unlike the fleeting moments of relief she felt with medication. This was something deeper, more real. “I didn’t know happiness could feel like that,” she shared. She no longer woke up dreading the day, with a constant suffocating weight on her chest. “Did it completely fix me? No. I still have sad days, but I finally feel in control of my life.”

Life in Full Colour Again

For the first time in years, Michelle could imagine a future for herself—one that wasn’t defined by depression. She has found joy in the little things again, feeling genuinely excited about life. Most importantly, Michelle was able to truly enjoy time with the people who meant the most to her. They had been her rock through her darkest moments, and now, thanks to her rTMS treatment and The Royal, she could finally be present for them in a way she had not been able to before.

“The discourse around mental illness and its treatments should be just as common as those about physical health. Just like we talk openly about surgeries or medications for chronic illnesses, we should normalize discussions about depression and innovative therapies."

collage of Michelle Chapin with her family throughout her childhood

Today, Michelle continues to speak openly about her mental illness. She shares her experiences with rTMS and The Royal on social media, hoping to spread awareness about this life-changing treatment. “There has been nothing more comforting to me than sharing my story,” she says. “Not enough people know about rTMS. I hope that by talking about it, more people will be able to access it.”

The Royal has been able to expand what is possible in the world of medication resistant depression because of donor generosity, but there is much more to be done. Currently, only 12% of mental health research funding focuses on translating new discoveries into new treatments like rTMS. Without this support, this innovative treatment might not have been available and Michelle’s outcome would have been very different. Instead, Michelle is now living a life filled with joy and the little moments that matter most—with the people she loves.

Michelle’s message to donors: “Because of your generosity, I get to wake up and truly feel joy, and dream about the future again. Thank you for giving me the chance to heal when I thought I had no options left.”