There are many different reasons why the holidays can be a tough time for people who struggle with substance use.
Chris Curry, an addictions counsellor and registered psychotherapist, has worked in mental health and addiction in community, school, and forensic settings.
Curry says the holidays represent a time of heightened family stress for many. Getting together with family members can be challenging, especially when expectations are out of sync. On the other side of the spectrum, loneliness and lack of family support might also cause someone to turn to substances. Adding to the challenge, of course, is that many social activities around Christmas and New Year’s are traditionally celebrated with alcohol.
For families and caregivers, the holidays are a good opportunity to talk to their loved one about their substance use.
While experts say being direct is a good strategy, the days of confrontational interventions are gone . When broaching the subject of substance use with a friend or family member, Curry recommends coming from a place of love and compassion. A caregiver’s role, he says, is not to fix, but to support. He also advises caregivers refrain from preconceived notions of what recovery or sobriety might look like.
“It's really hard to put emotions aside, but caregivers need to understand their loved one doesn't want to be going through this either,” says Curry.
Curry believes misconceptions and mistruths about substance use disorder run deep and as such, it is stigmatized more than most other conditions. While he sees more and more people looking at substance use disorder through the lens of a medical condition, there is still a long way to go.
Curry wants people to know that disordered substance use is “largely out of people's control.”
“I think a lot of people don't understand that people don’t choose to be addicted,” says Curry. “Once you're into an active addiction, you're no longer choosing, you no longer have the capacity. Your brain chemicals are not firing in the proper way and you're not able to make those decisions.”
Are you struggling to find the right words to talk to someone about their substance use?
Curry suggests the following question could be a good starting point for a conversation about substance use: “I've noticed a change in you, and I'm worried about you. Can we sit down and have a talk?”
Depending on the answer, the next question might be, “How can I support you right now” as opposed to: “How can I help you get sober.” It’s possible that getting sober isn’t on the person’s radar, and that’s ok.
“Not everybody who's using wants to get sober and that's something people have to accept sometimes,” says Curry. “If it's not their time, then it's not their time and being upset about it isn't going to help.”
The next step is to keep the conversation going. Caregivers may want to consider suggesting easy, low-pressure social activities with their loved one. For example, a standing movie date on Saturday nights, or coffee once a week on Sunday mornings. It doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. Even swapping texts and funny memes can help create a safe space for future conversations.
“Just being with the person – and not judging that person – is huge,” says Curry.
