The Kindness Connection group was developed by staff at the Brockville Mental Health Centre (BMHC) in response to the lockdown brought about by COVID-19.
Kindness Connection group members came together every week from May 7 until their “graduation” on August 21.
Melissa Harris, a senior psychometrist in the forensic program at BMHC and one of the group’s facilitators, says the group’s program was loosely based on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), a form of behavioural therapy that combines mindfulness with self-acceptance. ACT encourages people to accept what is out of their control and embrace their thoughts, feelings, and challenges.
Levia Chan, a social worker in the forensic program who facilitated the group with Harris, says that although kindness was the main focus, there was a deep desire to help clients regain a sense of control during a very challenging time.
“At the beginning of the pandemic, clients focused on lockdown and the loss of their privileges,” says Chan. Clients could not go into the community, and families could not come and visit, which contributed to feelings of powerlessness.
So how does kindness help us regain a sense of control? During a time of fear and uncertainty, it can be comforting to focus on the things we can actually have some control over. One of those things is kindness, and it starts with learning how to be kind to ourselves.
When the Kindness Connection group explored why it was so hard to be kind to themselves, clients said that self-judgement was a big barrier. “It’s always there, that’s why they find it so difficult to be kind to themselves,” says Chan.
“Showing kindness to other people is easier than showing kindness to themselves.”
Group members came up with ways to show kindness to themselves and to others. What grew out of that was a commitment to be more mindful, make positive changes, and spread kindness to others.
It is said that one act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, so one idea was to create a “kindness tree.” Paper leaves with messages of kindness and gratitude were collected from over 100 clients at BHMC. The group also rehearsed a song (“Spreading Kindness, Not Virus”) and wrote poems, which were presented at the group’s graduation, an event which coincided with a client-led art show.
“It created that kind of small pocket of hope,” reflects Harris. “Being resilient within this time was an accomplishment, and I think that really helped people get through and see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
Harris says two Kindness Connection members are now in a different therapy group together: “I see them helping each other with their homework and they seem to have a really supportive relationship, which I think is so important for change to occur.” Harris has also observed one member “catching herself” a lot more when she starts to put herself down.
The Kindness Connection group was always intended to be a one-off to meet the needs of forensic clients at a particularly difficult time and there has been talk of a follow-up group, or a type of peer support or other client-lead initiative.
“The members could be involved in the creation of the next group and mentor the next cohort of people,” describes Harris. “They’ve made a commitment to kindness now, and a commitment to spreading it.”
We cannot control the wind, but we can adjust our sail. It’s an inspirational quote that Chan says resonated with her and with Kindness Connection group members. “At first they don’t understand what that has to do with kindness, but then at the end of the group they understand more,” she recalls. “When we adjust our sail we are calmer, and we are nicer to ourselves and other people, and that is a kindness connection.”
